i've been to so many therapists in the last two weeks that i'm beginning to think my name is 'borderline personality disorder'.
i t ' s j u l y 3 r d
the weather sucks. it's cold. rainy. grey. as usual. i feel like whenever i make a post the weather is always the same as the previous day's post.
i recently went to a youth group - today to be exact - for people with mental illness and it was... odd. we made nachos and played apples to apples. weirdest game ever.
you haven't heard from me in a while.
i attempted suicide again - about three or four weeks ago. i cut my wrist this time. the left one. i got seven stitches.
i wasn't committed that time. i was let go and sent to a therapist/psychologist.
after that i got my gallbladder removed - emergency surgery. it wasn't fun but i was high on morphine most of the time i was at the hospital.
this is just a brief recap of my months. it's kind of tiresome.
i've been feeling really shitty lately.
the same old depression weighing down on me. and it sucks because i can't really answer the questions the doctors want answered correctly. they keep asking me why i want to die and the only answer i can give them is 'i don't really know why' and 'i'm just tired of living, i suppose.'
but oh well. what can you do?
i've pushed all of my friends away and i've even gotten rid of the one person who listened to me talk about my depression - but i couldn't talk to them anymore. if i did i think i would just become even more of a burden to them - because they have depression too.
whatever.
bye.
