broken but still numb

i t ' s  m a y  2 8 t h

 

i know i've been MIA lately, but that's to be expected with the amount of school work i've been getting. it's kind of crazy, really. i never expected that i would be getting this much work but then, i probably should have. two english classes take a real amount of effort to deal with.

 

oh well.

 

it's chilly outside, but yesterday was warm. i like the warmth.

 

i've gotten a kitten. last saturday. it's name is willow.

 

the pills i was on have been changed. i'm on something else now, and the doctor's thinking of upping my dosage seeing as there haven't been good results.

 

i still cut.

 

last night my thigh was bleeding enough to send a puddle of blood pooling beneath my feet.

 

it was great.

 

i still want to cut.

 

even though i shouldn't.

 

i feel even more numb after last night. i want to do something worse. i want to feel something.

 

i'm going to take a break. i'll post sometime later, maybe.

 

my friend is most likely annoyed with me - they've stopped talking to me of their own voalition. right now it's me initiating all contact.

 

it sucks.

 

oh well.

 

i guess we weren't meant to be friends.